In this second draft I reorganized the paper for an overall better flow. Also I tried to concentrate more on the coach and less on the game. I got rid of the part where all of the girls are screaming about victory because it is truly not necessary. This is not about the coach it is about the game. Also that part got repetitive and boring to read. In addition I added a part to try to let the reader know that the story is about a field hockey game. It did not occur to me that it would not be obvious that this was a field hockey game. Looking back I realize that there was little to no indication to what sport we were playing except for the fact that there was a corner play. That detail would have only revealed the type of game to a person who knows about field hockey I realize.
Victory Out of Defeat
“Bang” the ball hit the back of the goal. We had just scored on East Rochester. With only seven and a half minutes left in the game the score was two to one and East Rochester wining. Our coach on the sideline was so excited for us and was cheering us on. In high school she played field hockey and lacrosse. She still looks like an athlete even now bundled in her many layers of clothing to combat the cold rain that was now a constant flow. Under all of those layers she has stringy muscular arms, round shoulders and a slender neck.
Now that we knew that we could score against them we wanted another goal to tie the game up. If we could tie the game it would go into over time and we could have a chance of wining. We were all determined to score another goal and played incredible. As we ran back to our side to set up we celebrated on and off of the field. We were still losing but not being creamed, so we were doing well and could pull off an upset. We knew that any thing was possible in the crazy game of field hockey.
With only one minute left in the game a corner was called for us. Then when the corner was being played out, another corner was called in our favor. Everyone on the sideline was cheering so loudly. Our coach was telling us that we could do this and score a goal.
The time ran out on the clock but the corner would be played out before the game ended. Our coach was cheering from the sideline screaming, “You can do it”. We could do it and all we needed to do was to believe in ourselves. With no time left on the clock we scored a goal.
Every one was screaming and so excited. An outsider would have thought that we had just won a major game. We hadn’t even won, we only tied the game and we were going into over time. When we finally calmed down our coach gave us a motivational speech. She told us that we could do this but to calm down. “We can do this girls,” she told us. She continued talking almost out of breath from all of the cheering, “I want this and we can do it. It is raining and cold out so let’s score a goal and win quickly. We have so much energy right now we can score a goal in over time and win tonight. It would be amazing if we could win tonight we can do it we out played them the last fifteen minutes and if we bring that energy into overtime we will win.” We were all freezing and soaking wet and wanted to go home and get dry and warm. It looked like we had all taken a swim we were so wet. Despite the conditions coach Howlett’s caramel brown hair was long and strait coming out of her pony tall. Her skin was milky with rosy red cheeks that complemented her almond shaped biscuit eyes. In the middle of her heart-shaped face she has a button nose and rosebud lips.
The excitement of almost wining had everyone on adrenalin and we were cheering our lungs out. We knew we could do it. We could win. Our coach believed in us even though that season our record was 1-2-5. Despite our record she had not given up on our team and she believed that we could win this game and all of our other games. It was refreshing to have our coach who had coached for eight years not be discouraged by our record and believe in us. Throughout the season after every game that we lost she would tell us to not give up and keep on trying.
All of our persistence was starting to finally pay off we only needed to score in over time. We all got together and told each other that we could do this and then cheered “Unite the Unit”. Our problem was that we were not playing as a whole we were playing as individuals. Then the team of seven ran on to the field for sudden death over time. The entire time everyone on the sideline was cheering for the team. Only two minutes and fifteen seconds into the game we scored a goal on East Rochester. Everyone was so excited and was jumping up and down. We had just won only our second game half way through the season. Our coach was jumping up and down with all of us. We then all ran out on the field and congratulated and celebrated with the players that had played out the over time.
Our coach congratulated us, “I am so proud of you girls. It was incredible the determination you showed out on the field.” We couldn’t stop cheering and smiling. We were so happy that we had finally won a game. On the bus ride home we cheered the whole way home. JV had also won their game so the entire bus was happy.
The next day we had another game and before we played we talked about the game we had played the day before. Our coach exclaimed, “I am so proud that you did not give up and decided that you could win the game. You pushed through and came out with an outstanding victory from near defeat. When victory seemed out of reach we did not give up and our persistence paid off. This proves that nothing is set in stone until the end, and one should never give up until the end.” After that game we won 7 out of our 8 games and before that game we had only won 1 and tied 2 out of 7 games. When things are not going well one should not give up they should continue trying and never give up. Victory can come out of near defeat. Our coach taught us that and was recognized by the rest of our league by receiving the coach of the year award. She pushed us to be our best and never gave up on our team.
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